“I am a thankful addict”-This is something I hear a lot in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. I remember hearing this for the first time, and I thought to myself “these people are fucking bonkers!” and I was right! Us addicts are bonkers, but in the best way possible!
The saying “thankful addict” seems to be a bit different for everybody, myself included. For me, being a thankful addict is appreciating everything I have been through prior to active addiction, throughout active addiction, and everything that comes with recovery. When I think of my past, I’ll be the first to admit that it wasn’t very pretty. I hurt myself-I hurt the people I love the most. It’s hard to imagine that I’d be thankful for anything in regards to active substance abuse-yet here I am, being thankful for it all.
I have learned so much in my life, and I’m sure most recovering addicts can agree they have as well. We cause a lot of damage during addiction (even in recovery) but with recovery comes understanding of ones self. My Higher Power had a reason for dealing me those cards. I couldn’t see it at the time, but I’m grateful for it all.
I can love more freeingly now, and I have such a huge understanding for people in all walks of life. We all have a story that is uniquely our own, because of my past I am better equipped to understand other addict’s (and non-addict’s) stories. I can recall the first time I realized that I was indeed a thankful addict.
Picture this: I’m sitting at my kitchen table watching my four year old read a book to my four month old. I’m appreciating every inch of them, every unique thing God has blessed them with. I watch as my four year old smiles at her baby sister, her dimples so deep the ocean could fill them. Her sister, so little yet so brilliant already, smiles back at her Ate Ani. Unlike her older sister, the baby has only one very shy dimple, yet it shines just as bright as my oldest daughter’s do. That is the moment I realized how grateful I was for all my experiences thus far in life.
Today, I am thankful for my recovery. I have bad days, good days, wonderful days, and ugly days. Most days I have no clue as to what the right choice is, but I do know that I never have to use again-and that is the biggest blessing my Higher Power has given me.
My name is Kat, and I am a thankful addict.